Aligning with Self, in a World that Wants Us to be Everything Else

With advertisers now able to cozy up in bed with us through the screens of our ‘pocket-sized best friends’, it has never been more important to {re}connect with our own truth, with ourselves. We receive hundreds of messages a day that are designed to draw us away from ourselves, to find fault with ourselves. There is a multi - billion dollar industry that capitalises on our feelings of incompleteness, it is that very feeling that keeps us in the loop of craving more, new, better.  Always comparing and never fully satisfied. The perfect body, home, handbag, the list continues.

‘If I have enough to meet the (sometimes) outrageous expectations of society, I will be accepted. Maybe once they accept me, I can finally accept myself’ the subconscious mind might say.

How many of us have obtained one or more of these things only to find that after a few months that space that was so perfectly filled by the new car or luxury handbag has once again opened up in space, demanding something new. “This next thing, that will really be it” we lie to ourselves. “How could I possibly be unhappy once I have that? My life will be complete, I’ll never want again blah blah blah.” The cycle continues.

Don’t believe me? Reflect on the last time you really wanted something. Do you remember the story you told yourself around it? How did it go? And then think of the time before that what creative reasons did you come with that time? Did they sound similar?

The truth is that the more we look outside of ourselves, for ourselves, the further we stray from ourselves. Now that is not to say that we can’t all want and have nice things, it is our attachment to them that requires our scrutiny.

For example, “I am a person of infinite worth and value and, I drive a Bentley. If I lost my Bentley, although I may be disappointed, I am still a person of infinite worth and value”.

VS

“I brought a Bentley this summer, it proves how well I am doing and adds to my social status. Making me more worthy as a person. I can’t wait to see my friends faces when they see it! I would rather die than have to sell it for a cheaper car, imagine what people would say?”

Notice the difference?…

By looking outside of ourselves for our worth and value, we become highly vulnerable to external manipulation of who we ‘should’ be and what we ‘should’ have. We might invest large sums of money to create the ‘perfect’ image, the image we or ‘they’ deem admirable, acceptable. How often do we hear of people making attempts on their own lives after filing for bankruptcy? Not because they couldn’t afford to live a humble life, but because their perception of their worth and value has become so intertwined with what they ‘have’, that without it, who they thought they were can no longer exist. Maybe they imagine those closest to them will also disappear with their image. After all, if that’s all that is ever put forward for others to get to know, who’s to say that they won’t?

Can you think back to a time when your own preferences, ideas and goals, although originally different, became intertwined with someones close to you? How did it feel in your body to be aligning with someone else’s version of reality? Were you conscious of it at all?

The world needs us to be who we are, to recognise our individuality and express it unapologetically. It needs us to discover what we are passionate about, what we enjoy, and then to share our gift back with the world. Just because right now maybe what you are doing isn’t being valued, it does not mean it is not of value. Quite the opposite, actually. Perhaps you’re a busker, some people stop to drop money in your guitar case, but the majority just walk right by without even looking in your direction. Have you ever stopped to imagine how many people find themselves humming your tune later in their day? Uplifted by the melody stuck in their minds, from where they don’t recall?

It’s not until we spend time doing something we truly love that we ‘wake up’ again. The excitement of being who we truly are cascades through our veins. We must be careful, though. As should we not to conscious to it, we might miss it all together or shrug it off as a passing ‘good mood’. This might happen multiple times a day, we might become lost in the dance between who we are and who we are not. Exhausting ourselves through our conflicting ideas. Between who we are and who we should be.

I find this especially true for myself right now, as I sit inside a multi-million dollar super-yacht sharing my space with 17 other crew and working closely with numerous guests each with their own values, ideas and beliefs. I observe myself rotating through emotions and ideas I know not to be mine, however never the less find myself get in caught up in them from time to time.

Personally, taking time for myself, alone, helps me to realign with myself. Indulging in one or more of the activities below stimulates my connection to self and reminds me of who I truly am, I find myself excited about my life’s path once more. I remind myself of this when I feel myself being swept away or drawn along by someone else’s passion for their own life path. I make the time to reground, to realign. Even when I experience resistance around doing it.

You might find that the below useful, they may too draw you closer towards yourself. They may not, maybe what draws you closer to yourself looks nothing like what draws me closer to myself. That would be one example of our innate individuality. I do, however, invite you to play around with this idea. The idea that some actions, potentially multiple actions, will {re}unite you with your purpose. Pay close attention to your actions. You will know it once you feel it.

Breath

My number one way to ground and reconnect is through my breath. It’s an easy, yet effective way to clear my mind and centre myself. It costs nothing AND I can do it anytime, any place, in front of anyone. To the outside world I’m just going about my day, but inside magic is happening. Here are links to the breathing techniques I use when my energy is feeling scattered; Alternate Nostril Breathing, Ujjayi.

Earthing/ Sea swims

Connecting in nature (obviously)! Salt water helps clear negative energy by collapsing negative wave forms. A dip in the ocean is the perfect way to cleanse and purify the energetic field.

Walking through nature always leaves me feeling grounded. I like to take my shoes of and let by bare feet connect with the earth, sitting or lying down on the earth can also be the perfect place to do some well needed self reflection.

Podcasts/ reading

Reading a book or listening to a podcast around a subject that I am passionate about can help to remind me of who I am, why I love what I do and how much I have to look forward to - aligning my life’s journey with my passion. It reminds me of how much there is to learn and experience, and inspires creativity around how I can use my knowledge and experience to be of best service to myself and to others.

If you don’t feel like you’ve yet discovered your passion, that is ok too. We don’t all know what we love or, how we want our future to look from childhood. In this case, maybe you are being called to playfully seek further life experience, embody the curiosity of a young child. Open yourself up to life’s wonders and see what arises as a result of that. How can you create excitement in your life? Always take the same route to work? Try a different one. Take up a sport, join a group, travel, try out a new role within your community. Life is yours to explore, it’s ok to change. In fact, it’s important to change. The evolution of our species depends on it.

Connecting with someone who inspires me to be more of myself

There’s nothing that makes me feel more alive than connecting with someone who inspires me to be more of myself. Who holds space for me to be who I am in that moment, and holds no judgment should I turn up as a new version of myself a few weeks later. Connecting with friends who encourage growth yet do not expect it. Friends who embrace my spontaneity, abstract ideas. For me, these types of friends don’t have to be people I’ve known for years. They can be people who have just come into my life, that I feel a connection with and through shared experience or understanding are able to hold that space. They may not be around forever, that’s ok too. Sometimes the right people show up just when we need them, and fade away again to continue on their path as we continue on ours. This is the beautiful dance of life, impermanent, transient, unfolding.